Keep the room well-lit and watch from a distance, okay?
[Today's "Gin Tama" is a two-parter! Part One's guest stars are Michael and Marilyn.]
[Part Two's guests are those black shiny things! Sit back and enjoy the show.]
Who's there...?
My name is Gankeimaru.
If you wish to live, drop the sword you are wearing and leave.
I see...
So you are the ogre who has been hunting swords and causing a public disturbance.
Very well.
If you want this sword so badly, then come and take it...
by force!
Die!
That was too easy.
The only impressive thing about you is the sword you carry, eh?
This is far from the strongest sword I've found...
I heard there is a samurai's blade that can cut a star...
but it seems coming to Earth was a big waste of time.
Where is it, I wonder... The enchanted sword, "Star Destroyer"?
["Don't Panic-There's a Return Policy!"]
Ouch! My god!
Long hours as a manga artist have turned my stomach into a double cheeseburger!
Jennifer's going to hate me if I look like this!
What's the matter, Michael?
Did a fountain pen pierce your biceps and make them explode?
No! Look, Marilyn, at my stomach!
You need to be careful. Fountain pens are sharp enough to kill people.
I said this isn't about a fountain pens, stupid woman! It's my stomach!
Don't worry!
Use this: the "Round-and-Around Fat Burner"!
Use this for just two hours every day, and your stomach fat will completely disappear.
Are you serious, Marilyn?!
Act now and buy two colors and we'll throw in the red one for free!
Just pay in 12 monthly installments, and you'll achieve the body of your dreams!
Say goodbye to this double cheeseburger! Yahoo!
Yahoo!
"Yahoo" nothing. Where did you get that?
I called that number and they gave it to me.
They gave me this, and this, and this, and this, too. Yahoo!
Good god!
Kagura-chan, this is called a shopping channel. It's a TV show where people buy things.
Those things weren't free; you bought them.
Seriously?
Anyway, return them immediately.
There's still time if you do it right now.
Hey, hey, that's harsh, Johnny!
Who're you calling Johnny?!
Shinpachi, give me a hand. We're returning all of this.
Right.
Stop right there!
Johnny, Maxwell!
This is so unfair, dammit!
Don't you care if I end up with a double cheeseburger?!
Stupid Gin-chan!
Adults don't know anything!
Hmm...this isn't it, either...
Hey! What're you doing?!
What're you doing walking around with a bunch of swords when there's a sword ban?
That's not good...
A fine's a fine. And the fine is million yen, at least.
Since there are three of us, that's three million.
What a filthy wooden sword!
Smells like curry, too? You're asking me to buy this from you?
Yes. I want to buy stuff from the Shopping Channel.
I don't quite understand, but I can't buy this from you.
I am willing to buy that odd creature from you, though.
Damn you... Do you realize we're Bakufu officials...?
Phew! It reeks of curry!
And it says "Lake Toya"-this is a souvenir, isn't it? I don't want it.
Surrender!
The sword... Where is the sword...?
I don't eat Earth foods. I don't like the taste. Especially curry.
What? A wooden sword?
If it belonged to a handsome guy, I might buy it, with a few conditions,
but I have no interest in something of yours, young lady.
Why won't anyone buy this good-for-nothing stick from me?!
Useless thing!
I don't even get a real salary!
How am I supposed to buy the things I want?!
Last month, I got paid in pickled seaweed! How sour a wage can somebody get?!
H-Hey! The bridge!
Am I supposed to spend my youth with just pickled seaweed?!
This isn't it...or this...
A monster!
What is that wooden sword?! The bridge is gone!
Wooden sword?
Can't even go home if I want to.
I took his precious sword without his permission.
Gin-chan's going to be angry for sure.
Who are you?
Young lady. Where did you get that wooden sword?
The way it cut a bridge in two...
I've found it at last...the enchanted sword...
Star Destroyer!
Quietly hand over that sword! If you don't, I'll take your life!
Now you've done it, young lady!
Huh? "Sword Collecting"?
That's right. There seems to be a lot of attacks around town...
The culprit is apparently an Amanto training to become the strongest warrior in the universe.
He's apparently really strong.
Seems many Bakufu retainers and ronin have already fallen to him.
Wasn't that his work we just saw?
The strongest in the universe, you say?
We may come from different planets, but the stupid things men do don't change.
Is he pursuing a dream or something?
All of these guys read too much JUMP.
He might come after your wooden sword, too, Gin-san.
That wooden sword is much more powerful than an ordinary metal one.
It can cut through anything.
What on earth is that sword?
It is, well...
When I was on a school field trip to Lake Toya, a hermit who lived there...
Huh?
What? Now that you mention it, what'd I do with it?
Who was that guy?
We'll hide here for a while, Sada...
Found you, young lady.
Hey! Look what you've done!
And you, too! Pay up!
That guy will pay!
You're not getting away!
I've seen many swords up until now, but your sword...
is the enchanted sword I have been searching for all these years. The Star Destroyer!
Don't get so excited, sword freak.
You underestimated me.
I held back and was soft for not killing you, young lady?
But we of the Genbu Clan have bodies so tough that even bullets bounce off us.
With this body and the Star Destroyer, no one can stand against me.
The strongest sword should be wielded by the strongest warrior.
Now, admit defeat and hand it over.
Oh, this must be my punishment for bad karma.
It's because I stole someone's cherished possession.
So now, God is punishing me.
But please listen, God... He didn't pay me a real salary.
And he took away all my cool crap.
Maybe I should hand over this wooden sword and make it easy on myself.
No, wait. If I did that, then I would be exactly like him.
At his age, it's impossible for Gin-chan to change his character.
But Kagura... There's still time for you.
Grow up! Kagura!
Dammit! What have you done?
What?!
Good boy, good boy. Well done, Sadaharu.
Let's go home and apologize. Though, I'm still a little mad.
This sword looks best on Gin-chan's belt, after all.
I'm home!
Ouch! My god!
I can't believe I'm being threatened by samurai!
Today's my date with Jennifer. What rotten luck. Shit!
Jennifer's not coming. You're going to die here, Michael.
Hey. What're you doing here?! Nobody said anything about this.
The other day, when you were drinking, I heard you call me "Frankenstein"!
I've only had a nose job, you bastard!
I'm going to take this enchanted sword "Star Destroyer"
and cut off your ripping muscles so hard you'll never recover.
This was fashioned from a 10,000 year-old Diamond tree that only grows on a distant planet!
This amazing wooden sword can cut through rock, meteors and even your muscles.
Buy now! And as part of our special offer, we'll even engrave the hilt!
Only 12 payments! Just this much per month...and you too, can become an invincible samurai!
Uh-huh, thats right. Engrave it with "Lake Toya" as always. That's "Lake Toya."
Isn't that awesome?!
No, I think I'll stick with that design again.
Gin-chan, what are you doing?
Listen to this, Kagura-chan.
I made a killing at the Pachinko parlor...
The other day, I spilled curry on my wooden sword, and it smelled so bad, I splurged on a new one.
What? A wooden sword... You mean like that one?
[Enchanted Sword "Star Destroyer"]
That's right. Don't tell Shinpachi. I want to keep it mysterious.
I'll buy you something so you keep quiet, okay?
What would you like? Pickled seaweed?
Your life revolves around Pickled seaweed, doesn't it?
Huh? I haven't seen my sword for a while... So you had it?
Hey! Why'd you break it? Why?!
Johnny, I'm beat. Let me sleep.
["I Told You to Pay Attention to the News!"]
Help!
Health! Health me!
You mean "help me"? What's wrong?
A c-c-c-coackroach! In my room!
What's the matter with you?
The strongest being in the universe is afraid of a cockroach?
I can't stand them! They're creepy! Shape! Shape up now!
"Help me." Okay?
Look you, living in Edo is all about...
living together with cockroaches.
Good morning.
Something wrong?
A co-cockroach! One hell of a cockroach!
Pulp! Pulp fiction!
You mean "help me."
Huh? A cockroach? What is it now?
Living in Edo is like...
doing club activities with fellow cockroaches.
Hey, Shimura. Behind you.
Hump me! Hump me!
You mean "help me."
Good afternoon, I am Kusano Hitoyoshi.
Today, we interrupt our normal programming
for an in-depth look at the giant cockroach infestation throughout Edo.
Joining me is Prince Hata of the Midland Star,
a renowned authority on interplanetary zoology.
Prince, are these really cockroaches?
[Expert on space creatures, Prince Hata]
Yes. They are indeed cockroaches, but they are probably not from Earth.
They most likely entered Edo aboard an alien ship that came to Earth.
So they are alien cockroaches?
They are space cockroaches.
Like I said, alien cockroaches.
Alien cockroaches, they say.
Space cockroaches.
Damn. I hope we don't have any...
You looking for a fight? Stop the cameras!
What was that?
How could that exist?!
Is that really a cockroach?
I don't know.
You don't know?! Isn't this your home?!
You created that monster.
Your lousy housekeeping gave birth to that lamentable monster, Gintoki-kun.
You guys practically live here, too!
This is just my theory, but I think this has something to do with it.
Ah!
My pickled seaweed... It's been chewed on.
Somehow, eating pickled seaweed must've caused a terrible reaction in their bodies.
Seriously?!
This is dangerous.
You know, if this thing escapes into the city, we'll be bagged and pummeled.
We'll exterminate it before that happens! No matter what, don't let it out of this house!
Shinpachi, what'd you do with the bug spray?
Oh no! I left it in the other room.
Oh man, You're such a... Shinpachi!
That's why you're always Shinpachi!
What?! Are you dissing my entire Shinpachi-tude?!
Unforgivable! Unforgivable!
I'll go get it, for Christ's sake!
Who cares about a stupid giant cockroach, dammit!
And who cares if I get killed?!
I'm just a stupid Shinpachi!
Bring it on!
We have been receiving calls and e-mails from one Alien-Cockroach victim after another.
There are even frightening reports of people being attacked.
Your thoughts, Idi...Prince?
Hey, you were just about to say Idiot Prince, weren't you?
No, I wasn't. What are your thoughts, Prince?
They are carnivorous, so I would advise caution.
Also, if you see them, you must not kill them. That would bring disaster.
Disaster? What mysteries do these carnivorous monster roaches hold?
They are carnivorous monster cockroaches.
Like I said. Giant Roaches.
Don't try to kill 'em, eh?
I said Giant Cockroaches! Do you want to fight again?
That was close. I was just about to kill one.
What're those guys doing?
Die!
Damn bug! What's the big idea of turning into a monster?!
And after all the food we've left out for you!!
Hey... Where's Shinpachi?
I don't see him.
Gin-chan, you don't think Shinpachi was eaten by this thing?
Don't be silly.
It's just a huge cockroach. It wouldn't.
Shinpachi!
Spit him out, damn bug!
What'd he taste like?! Like corn potato? Or salted cod roe?!
Oh? It's crying. What a baby!
If crying solved everything, we wouldn't need police, idiot!
Seriously, what should we do with this thing?
I repeat. Even if you find them, do not kill the cockroaches.
If you do so, it will call its brethren to its aid!
Under no circumstances, are you to attempt to kill it!
However, Idiot Prince, that means there is no way to combat the cockroaches.
Hey, you clearly just said "idiot."
Oh, we've just been connected live.
Hey! Don't change the subject!
Ketsuno-san, are you at the scene?
Announcer Ketsuno!
Yes, I am now in Kabukicho, Shinjuku, where the monster cockroaches have caused the greatest damage.
Just look at this disaster.
The cockroaches, which appeared suddenly and reproduced abnormally,
are currently attacking all of Edo.
What will become of Edo from here on?
Is there a reason why the cockroaches are concentrated in Kabukicho?
Prince... Idiot Prince?
Why'd you say that?! You could've just continued on your way!
I'm definitely going to kill you all later!
No... I won't have to dirty my hands. You'll eventually die.
Listen to me.
The reason they're gathering there is probably because the queen is there too.
They are all siblings born from a single female.
First, the queen builds her nest on a planet and lays a large cache of eggs.
The hatchlings eat their way through the entire planet.
In this manner, they have destroyed several planets.
As long as the queen exists, they will continue to multiply.
At this rate, it will most certainly be the end of this planet.
So the only way to save ourselves is to exterminate the queen?
Is that what you're saying, Idiot?
Add "Prince"! If you're going to call me an idiot, at least add the "Prince" title!
Is there any way to tell the queen from the others?
Nope. Their queen is identical to an ordinary cockroach.
No, wait. There is one thing different about it.
What could that be?
She has the characters for "Goro" written on her back.
What? What does "Goro" mean?
It's just the name I gave her.
That Goro, running away from her cage on her own after I took such good care of her.
What did you just say?
What? Did I say something I shouldn't have? Uh...
[Please Stand By.]
They say it has "Goro" written on its back.
Who cares? We're done for. It's the end of Earth.
You're making too much noise! Keep it down, up there, you nimrods!
Don't you get any closer! What the hell is going on?!
Is this "Revenge of the Roaches"?!
If I knew this was going to happen, I should've been nicer to cockroaches!
Hey! Kagura, this is no time to be sleeping.
Three cockroaches. Four cockroaches. Five cockroaches.
Kagura-chan?!
Don't fall asleep counting cockroaches!
You'll have a nightmare about being locked up in a sticky, slimy room!
Hey, snap out of it!
"Goro" on its back. Got it? "Goro" on its back!
If a cockroach with "Goro" on its back is exterminated, the other cockroaches will die off.
Please. The fate of the Earth is at stake.
The fate of Earth is in your hands!
What's this? Why's it say "Goro"?
That's really weird. As if this thing isn't creepy enough already.
But under these conditions...
You're a lucky fellow. Saved by a spider's...er, roach's...thread.
This damn well better be worth some good karma.
Gin-san! I, Shinpachi have returned!
Shinpachi! You're alive!
You actually thought I could be killed by a cockroach.
I bought an ultra-powerful bug spray.
I guess that karma stuff works.
Gin-san!
All right. It pays to do good deeds.
These things are everywhere!! The city is going crazy!
There are pickled seaweed cockroaches crawling all over the streets.
We're in trouble. If they find out it was our fault, they'll chop our heads off.
There is a strange rumor going around.
Something about these being man-eating cockroaches that came from space to take over Earth.
And the world is doomed unless we kill the queen cockroach, with "Goro" written on its back.
Man, people will believe anything!
Shinpachi-kun...say that again.
Like I said, these are man-eating cockroaches,
and unless we kill the queen roach that has "Goro" written on its back, Earth is doomed.
Is that stupid or what?!
Sure is stupid...
Stupid, like being the man who destroyed the world.
What else can I do but laugh...
You've seen it? You saw Goro?!
I had it in my hand and I let it go.
I've doomed Earth.
Wh-Wh-Where?! We have to find it right away.
It's no use. It ran off somewhere.
Forget it. Let's go eat steak.
Okay, Kagura, you can eat all you want today.
After all, we're all going to die, anyway.
Wait, Gin-san, pull yourself together!
It's as though I've condemned us all to death. Kill me now.
Gin-san!
[Preview]
Excuse me?
May I say something?
I think the culprit is a pauper.
So I think...
What's going on?
What's next week's story about?
The next episode: "Even Teen Idols Act Like You Guys."
[How a live street performance touched the heart of a young man about to self-destruct.]
[A young girl's singing gave this young man a reason to live.]